The Queen of the Wild Things.

My mother. As they say in the south, "Bless her Heart". Having recently moved back home, I have becoming painfully aware that she is in fact, bat-shit crazy. Absolutely fucking nuts. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Jersey Shore, but this woman was so sad when Snooki took one in the face that she CRIED. Who cries over, not one, but two episodes of Jersey Shore? My mother. Not only does she adore Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, she would love nothing more than a date with Russell Brand. I was so excited when she told me that she had changed her ring tone. But that soaring feeling of elation was soon destroyed when I learned that The Beastie Boys' "So What Cha Want" was replaced by Katy Perry's "California Gurls". Really mom? You're in your 60s. I think I would have a heart attack if I were to walk in and find her watching Date Line and eating soup. No she just watches the Soup and sets my friends up on dates. Like some sort of elderly match maker. This isn't healthy. It isn't normal. And I'm becoming increasing concerned.